


Sakurafubuki

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Gratsu [43]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Character Death, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Love, Magic, Sakura (Cherry Blossoms)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-03 23:22:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17887073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: Gray flinched as delicate, pink petals brushed against his skin, falling in a gentle rain as the breeze shook branches, and teased the blossoms. The touch fleeting and tender, and almost too warm against the ever-present chill that gripped him these days, and for a moment he was back there. The soft greens and pinks of the park, bleeding into fire and ash, as too warm fingers brushed his cheek, curling against his skin, before falling away.





	Sakurafubuki

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mdelpin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mdelpin/gifts).



‘There's nothing pretty about ice. Ice grows nothing. But we've got this in our minds that we've got to make everything cold.’  


_Don Young_

****

   The park was already bustling by the time that Gray arrived at the gate, and he almost turned and fled there and then, and he might have done so if they hadn’t been waiting for him. Their team…his team, welcoming him with smiles, and quick hugs, seemingly sensing that he couldn’t bear to be touched for long. Erza held on the longest, her breath warm against his ear. “I’m glad you came. We’ve been worried about you, and N…he wouldn’t want you to keep cutting yourself off.” It was only the fact that her voice had cracked on Natsu’s name, that stopped him from snapping at her, but he still went rigid in her hold, something dark and unpleasant taking hold in his chest.

“Don’t…” He still wasn’t sure that he was ready to be here. He didn’t want to be here, but they had been insistent in reaching out to him, and he knew that he was worrying them. It had been that, which had forced him to leave the house for the first time in days, Natsu’s scarf around his throat, and it was that which he gripped now, knuckles turning white as Erza released him and stepped back with a pained expression. Wendy and Lucy didn’t look much better, and Happy wouldn’t even look at him, and he swallowed before glancing past them and across the park, taking in the groups of guild members and townsfolk already setting out blankets and picnics between the sakura trees. _I shouldn’t be here,_ he thought, unable to stop himself from turning as pink caught the corner of his eye, longing gripping him, but rather than olive eyes and a bright grin that could outshine the sun, he saw cherry blossom petals dancing in the breeze. His stomach twisted into something unpleasant, the urge to flee growing by the second, but instead, he took a deep breath and met Erza’s gaze. “Please, I’m here…” _So, let that be enough for now…_

“Yes, you are,” Erza murmured, hearing the unspoken words, and offering him a sad smile that bordered on the edge of pity before she took a deep breath. “Come on, we’ve already got everything set up. We’re under his… our tree.” There it was again - the slip, and Gray’s fingers tensed in the material of the scarf.

_His tree…_

   The same tree that they had sat under when Lucy had first joined the guild when Natsu had spent the entire afternoon in a funk because she was going to miss the celebrations. The same tree, where just last year they had sat together, surrounded by friends, and so closely tangled together that it was hard to tell where one of them began and the other ended. He remembered the warmth and weight of Natsu in his arms, laughing as he brushed petals away from Sakura hair, before leaning in to snatch stolen kisses, ignoring the wolf-whistles and gentle teasing that followed.

_By next year everything will have changed…_

     Natsu’s promise, whispered between snatched kisses and the thunder of the fireworks going off above their head, haunted him now. _Everything has,_ he thought bitterly, although he knew that the Dragon-slayer hadn’t meant this when he had whispered those words. He had been talking about the future, about the ring that now hung next to the cross around his neck, about the next step in their relationship…not this nightmare that Gray could never escape. He wanted to escape now, to turn around and run, to put as much distance between those memories and himself as possible, although he knew that wouldn’t work. He’d tried it before, but wherever he went the past followed, and that was why he was moving forward, numb as he followed the others into the park and towards the eastern side.

    People called out greetings as he passed, but he was deaf to them and blind to the way that those who belonged to the guild shared strained looks as he passed. At first, all he could focus on was putting one foot in front of the other, but slowly his attention was drawn to the reason they were all here in the first place, the pink blossoms dancing lightly in the breeze. They were beautiful, just as they were every year, and yet at that moment, he wanted to hate them. No, he did hate them. He hated that they lived, and looked so beautiful, bright and vibrant…and that all he could see when he looked at them was Natsu.

Natsu, bright and shining and wonderfully alive…

Natsu, alight and fierce…

Natsu fading, his pink dulled by the ice around him…

Gray flinched as delicate, pink petals brushed against his skin, falling in a gentle rain as the breeze shook branches, and teased the blossoms. The touch fleeting and tender, and almost too warm against the ever-present chill that gripped him these days, and for a moment he was back there. The soft greens and pinks of the park, bleeding into fire and ash, as too warm fingers brushed his cheek, curling against his skin, before falling away. _No…_ He shook his head, forcing the memory away, but it was already too late. He could taste ashes on his tongue, bile rising in his throat, and he staggered back, flinching as a hand landed on his shoulder, gently holding him in place.

“Gray? Are you all right?” It took a moment for the voice to break through, and he blinked, startled to find Erza in front of him and watching with worried eyes, slowly tracing her arm down to where she was gripping his shoulder. “Gray?” He recoiled at the concern in her voice and the shadows that he could see lurking in her eyes. _Why? Why are you looking at me like that, when…when I….?_ He shook his head again, trying to pull free, but Erza wasn’t letting go, and he didn’t have the heart or willpower to fight her, his shoulders slumping as he realised that she was waiting for an answer and that they were getting an audience.

“I…” His voice, hoarse from disuse cracked and broke.  “I-I shouldn’t be here.” There was a voice in the back of his mind one that sounded suspiciously like…him, that told him that he was wrong. That he was still a member of Fairy Tail. That he still had friends and family that needed him around. However, it wasn’t accompanied with warmth and fire, and olive eyes, and he pushed it aside, the dull ache that accompanied every second of his existence, flaring to life as he fought the urge to look at his side.

To look for the Dragon-slayer that wouldn’t be there.

    Something. The part of him that he had already thought shattered and broken beyond repair, splintered at that moment and ice danced across his skin as he sucked in a desperate breath. _Natsu._ His breath caught and hitched, as he glanced around wildly, already searching for an escape.

   However, everywhere he looked, all he could see was the cherry blossoms – the same beautiful shade of pink as Natsu’s hair had been, and it was getting harder to breathe, and harder to see as tears blurred his vision. _Natsu. Natsu…._ It was too much, and he was gasping now, his breath wheezing in his throat as he staggered back, only distantly aware of the fact that Erza was trying to talk to him, although her grip had loosened, letting him pull free. He was splintering, coming undone at the seams, even though he had finally thought he was past that point, but it was all too much, and as he stumbled away from them, batting frantically at their hands as they tried to steady him, he knew that he shouldn’t have come.

“Natsu…” He whispered, as he broke free of their attempts to stop him, the tears only now beginning to fall, trickling down his cheeks despite his best efforts to hold them back. When he reached up to dash them away, he found more sakura petals against his skin, and the dark, unpleasant feeling from earlier exploded out of him as his magic flared. There was an itch under his skin, and he knew even without looking that dark markings were crawling up his skin, as the air around him turned bitterly cold as ice raced out across the park.

    There were frantic voices raised around them, but he couldn’t hear their words, his eyes wide and horrified as he fell to his knees as the world seemed to come to a halt, just as it had back then. The gentle pink of the cherry blossom trees and every petal that had started to fall was now frozen in place. Natsu’s colour trapped within the cool blue of his ice once more, spring and summer consumed by winter, and a howl bubbled up in the back of his throat. Because this time there was no lingering warmth against his skin, no echo of fingers brushing away his tears, and no whispered words of forgiveness, of love and promises left unfulfilled. There was nothing but the ice, and the roaring in his ears as his grief broke out of him in a wordless cry of anguish, even as the ice began to fracture, cracks spreading out around him, as a single thought cut through the white noise.

_Is this what I’m fated to do? To trap everything in ice, like I trapped him…?_

 


End file.
